I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
