I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
