The maid of honor just puked.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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