So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
