I think scott just propositioned me for sex
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
