Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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