tell your sister to shave her snatch
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
