I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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