fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
