My Higher Power is John Stamos
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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