you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
