My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
