I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
