Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
