i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
