You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize