Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
