The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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