there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
