He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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