so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
