I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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