He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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