I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize