Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
