Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
