It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
