Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
