GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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