We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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