so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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