okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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