I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
MIDGETS
????
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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