you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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