i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
