but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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