i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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