it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
