Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i have herpe
just one?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
