a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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