JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
