Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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