He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
