What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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