When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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