Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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