imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
