i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
