Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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