BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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