I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
