He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just cropdusted the office
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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