Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
