wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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