Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
