sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
