Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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