Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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