What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
