i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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