When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is my gift to your gina
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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